Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
