He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Come on in and take your pants off
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