She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
