So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
