It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
