he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
