My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
