I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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