i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
