well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
