I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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