no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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