Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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