new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
