Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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