I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
