I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
