Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
