i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
