just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
