you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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