I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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