is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
