he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
