9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
