If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
