covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
