people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
