I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
