you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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