He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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