She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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