you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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