There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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