I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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