Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
