Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize