be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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