did you get engaged???
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
