Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
