All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize