New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
BRING THE BAGELS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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