Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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