So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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