So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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