I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
