well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
