Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
