STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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