shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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