happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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