we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
