Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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