So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
