Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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