Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
