We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
