i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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