Can i not drive my cunt home
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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