he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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