Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
