I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
