i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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