she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
