I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize