i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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