i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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