I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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