I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
