Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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