i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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