my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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