She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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